Diagnosing Workplace Anxiety & Productivity with Spastic Colon Sunday

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It’s Friday afternoon. You’re in the office. You’re watching the clock tick and tock. Tick and tock. You feel the anticipation building because at 5pm you’re free. Free!

Well, that is until Monday morning at 8am.

The Diagnosis That Drive Workplace Anxiety and Lowers Productivity

Welcome to Spastic Colon Sunday. It’s a gradual, but progressive ailment that begins exhibiting itself on Sunday afternoon and gets progressively worse by Sunday night. It’s that sick feeling you get in anticipation of the workweek. It’s physical and mental and it is sucking the workplace productivity  and your soul right out of you.

Now, I’m not a doctor and I don’t play one on TV, but I do understand the causes, symptoms, and cure for this insidious disease when it comes to workplace anxiety.

Causes of Spastic Colon Sunday

  • A boss that expects you in the office at 8am sharp.
  • Thinking about rush hour.
  • A snowstorm on Sunday night – how are you going to get to work on time.
  • Your child getting the sniffles. On Sunday night, of course.
  • Co-workers who demand that they always know where you’re working from.
  • A vacation bank that’s got a zero balance.
  • No control over your time during core office hours. Fixed start/stop times.
  • Having to keep socially acceptable excuses in your back pocket ready to use in case you’re not going to measure up to everyone’s opinion of how you should be operating.

Signs and Symptoms

  • Yelling at your significant other because they forgot to buy juice boxes for the kids lunches.
  • A nagging headache.
  • Errr . . . a ‘spastic colon’.
  • Fear of not getting to sleep.
  • Really not getting to sleep.
  • Fear of the alarm not going off.
  • Dread that you forgot something.
  • Disappointment because you didn’t get everything done you needed to prepare for the week.
  • Anxiety.
  • Feeling defeated. Accepting defeat.

The Cure

  • Autonomy: complete control over your time 24/7.
  • A boss who values measurable results. Not how many hours you put in.
  • Trust. Real trust. If you’re not in the office at 8am sharp, nobody is wondering where you are and if you’re going to ‘show up’.
  • Not having to ask permission to work however you friggin’ want and from wherever you friggin’ want.
  • Unlimited paid time off – you’re an adult who’s accountable to agreed-upon, measurable results. You get stuff done and take time off when you need to.
  • Not ever having to come up with lame excuses for how you’re managing your time.

Do you suffer from this condition?

What do you use to fight off this condition? How do you cure Spastic Colon Sunday? We want to know! 

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