Love.

I have been threatening to write this post for a while.  Why has it taken me so long? Because this story is living, it is breathing, and it continues to evolve.  But I can no longer “not” write it.  It is written indelibly across my heart, to be sure. 

Loving someone has never been easy for me.  Maybe loving me has never been easy for someone.  Either way, I have struggled with the thought and ultimately with the course and existence of true love.  I was and am a fairly decent human being.  I try to treat others as I would like to be treated, I ache for human rights, I want animals to be treated well and I adore my children.   They range in age from 14 to 25 and they know of my struggles with true love, of not even wanting it to not even believing it existed.  About fifteen months ago, someone asked me if I would ever consider getting married again.  I guffawed and said not only no, but “Hell No!”  Love had been a source of hurt for me, of unfulfilled expectations and marriage fell right along side love – it was a joke.  I no longer believed in castles on clouds or knights on white horses.   Dragons ruled the earth and my best bet was to learn how to breathe fire.

For several months in 2010, I dated someone with whom I was not in love – I had decided the year before that I would never say the “L” word again and that I would never allow myself to become involved with someone who might make me want to say it.  There was no risk of “love” in that relationship, I was uninterested in love or what it could/would do for me.  I believed it would only bring heartache – for that had been my only experience.  Late in the year, however, I met someone.  I didn’t think when I met him that a relationship would develop, as a matter of fact, I was only interested in his work.  He taught at a local college and directed college theater - and he was good at it.  I have been involved in community and independent theater since I was only three, so yes, his work intrigued me.  Because we had mutual friends, we later connected on Facebook.

And something was happening to me.  I ended my dating relationship because I started to think, “Why am I spending so much time with someone I don’t love?”  What?? I was shocked that I thought that and even more shocked that I acted on it.  The person I had been dating was “nice” – and that is what I said every time anyone asked about him, “Oh, he’s very nice.”  That relationship ended right after New Year’s.  It wasn’t exactly a new resolution, but it was more a new attitude.  Meanwhile, Facebook conversations continued with Thomas, the college professor.   Midway through January, I realized I really liked him.  I realized that maybe he might be worth the risk I had been avoiding for so long. I realized that my current conclusions of love would only lead to loneliness.  I realized that not only did I not want to be lonely but I actually wanted to be loved.  Dear God – what was I thinking…

Late night writing sessions and endless conversations, chasing each other around our Facebook pages, commenting on previously posted pictures, reading random posts and asking thoughtful questions in Facebook Messenger ignited in me something I thought was not present, something I had feared and avoided…, and incessantly joked about –  that damn “L” word.  Was it possible?  Could my heart be softened?  Could someone actually love me?  Could I actually love them back?  Could they accept me for who I was?  Could I accept them for who they were?  The answers all bounced around my aching head and they were a resounding and loud “YES!”

January 25th of this year marks the one-year anniversary of our first date.  I gave in.  I shared confessions of love, confessions of wanting to be loved and I shared my pain and previous hurts. I let it all go… I knew it was a risk and for some unknown reason, I was willing to take that risk.  I knew that only through that absolute vulnerability would I be able to experience absolute love.  And I was right.  Love had not only found me, it had come to rest lightly on my broken heart and it began the healing process I had been aching for, needing.

Given that there is a fine line between credit and blame, I could easily blame Facebook or I could easily credit the smart phone that was held tightly to my ear each night that we spoke to each other… all those times we let go of hurt and took steps toward healing.  I jokingly say that I fell in love on Facebook and it is true that love letters were written to me on that forum.  It is also true that I wrote poetry and sent it through the web like an arrow leaving a bow.  And it is true that desire for love and more grew and that it continues to grow today…

Christmas Eve brought a question I never thought I would hear and an answer I never thought I would give… And the next morning, on December 25, 2011, eleven months after our first date, Thomas and I synchronized our relationship update on Facebook.  We updated our status to “engaged” simultaneously and this summer, after we say our I do’s – we will synchronize once again.

So, I guess my “hell no” to marriage has fallen by the way side, it has left my vocabulary, and I look forward to becoming  Thomas’ wife and living in love for as long as I live.

The power of words, the unselfish sharing of feelings, and our ability to communicate made all the difference.  And guess what?  I am happy.

Who knew?

**And while 33% of UK divorces are being blamed on Facebook.  I am going to offer a bit of credit for this marriage.  :-)

Rayanne Thorn, @ray_anne is the Marketing Director for the online recruiting software company, Broadbean Technology.  She is also a proud mother of four residing in Laguna Beach, California, and a contributor for Blogging4Jobs.  Connect with her on LinkedIn.  

Like Me!

I sat on my couch munching the contents of a bag of regular Tostitos. Nothing better than hanging with my kids, tortilla chips and some homemade guacamole.  Chips and a movie, this time?  Ghost Ship, a family favorite  - there is a fantastic twist scene when all is revealed, check it out some time.

While snacking, I went to grab the bag of chips and noticed the Facebook button on the bag. Yep, Tostitos expects consumers to login, look up their fan page, and then “like” them.  I think the fact that I am eating right of the bag proves I like them.  But there you have it, Permission Marketing. Bring the consumer to you. Compel the consumer to follow a trail of bread crumbs and convert curiosity into brand loyalty. If you “like” the product, you have consented to contact, you have consented to receipt of future coupons or emails or ads up and down the right-hand side of your Facebook wall.

I have been talking about this exact thing for a few years now, actually advocating for it. But I must admit, it’s kind of scary to see it come to fruition. The potential was undeniable, it was exciting and different. It was new, it was contemporary and Corporate America seemed to shun the possibilities – for awhile. That is until a few took the plunge. I remember just two years ago seeing random companies adding Twitter and Facebook buttons to their advertising. Over three years ago, I consulted smaller companies and convinced them to create fan pages and start engaging. They were eager to learn more, especially when I told them their competition wasn’t doing it. Yet.

Currently, I like over 170 pages – translatable into a brand, product, service, person, or form of art. That’s down about fifty from last Fall, as I recently went through my Facebook likes and deleted those that I didn’t remember even liking, those I no longer liked, or those I saw no need to like and no longer wished to receive messages from. I will filter through my “likes” again soon – Spring Cleaning, as it were.

Facebook is now considered a strong and necessary marketing strategy. With its rate of growth, it will not be long before the number of FB profiles reaches One Billion, predicted to happen this summer or sooner. That is a lot of consumers – all in one place, all in one database.  Most companies get the picture of what that represents. Chance. Opportunity. Growth. Branding. But it also means maintenance. It isn’t easy, it won’t be easy. Make it worth the endeavor, not a wasted effort. The payoff will be a direct result of what is put in. It will require consistent work . That means exertion, which means it isn’t free.

So the old selling point of: Social Media is FREE?  Umm, no longer applies.

Do you think liking a brand, product, service, person, or art form that you don’t really like, that you don’t really use, that you don’t really care about helps that company / person?  Facebook is about YOU.  It is about you getting what you want.  I personally love the ads on Facbook, I love the tech/algorithms that make that happen.  It is incredible where we have come from and the future is intriguing and a bit scary, as well.

Rayanne Thorn, @ray_anne is the Marketing Director for the online recruiting software company, Broadbean Technology.  She is also a proud mother of four residing in Laguna Beach, California, and a contributor for Blogging4Jobs.  Connect with her on LinkedIn.  

Surfing USA

I spent many days this summer kickin’ it on a beach chair watching surfers and consuming copious amounts of water and electrolyte-infused drinks. My teen-aged son and daughter recently took up the sport and it has been fun to join them at the ocean and enjoy their learning process.  There are always experienced surfers who show up in the spot where we choose to plant our towels. They are always good at what they do and they do it often. A trademark attached to someone who is “good” at what they do is the practice they put into their craft. Not only practice, but staying apprised of anything new in their selected field of interest or endeavor.

This certainly does not preclude surfers. Several of these old school surfers, who may have enjoyed surfing on short boards, were out in droves using a long board or even a “softie” – a soft, foam core board on which beginners learn. Yours truly will even be getting out on a softie at some point this summer. Never stop learning, right? It was incredibly intriguing to watch these guys, who might have been thought of as hot dogs, enjoying a ride on a board typically reserved for the inexperienced or one-weekend water warrior. There was one surfer in particular, obviously experienced, who surfed ALL DAY while standing on his head, jumping around, holding yoga poses, and generally displaying a good positive attitude to the young surfers, as well as putting on a great show for the shore surfers – like myself. Things he achieved on a soft surfboard.

I have never liked the phrase, “You can’t teach an old dog…,” for I believe you can. And actually if an old dog wants to stay in the game, he better learn a few new tricks. And in order to stay on top of your game, you must never stop learning, never stop practicing. For failure is eminent the moment you stop learning, the moment you become stagnant. If major corporations recognize stagnation as a death knell, why wouldn’t you? Why would the human body and mind be any different?

“All growth depends upon activity. There is no development physically or intellectually without effort , and effort means work.” ~Calvin Coolidge

Sure, practice makes perfect. Sure, merely showing up is imperative. But don’t you think the extra effort is what makes a person unique – better – at what they do? BeKnown and BranchOut and even Facebook are knocking on the solid oak door of LinkedIn. The hinges are a bit creaky on that door, I am happy to open it wide and see what else is out there.

Don’t ever give up and don’t ever shut down, try surfing on a softie, instead of just a sluggish oak door.  Imagine riding that wave a whole new way.

A Better Way.

photo credit 
Rayanne Thorn, @ray_anne is the Marketing Director for the online recruiting software company, Broadbean Technology.  She is also a proud mother of four residing in Laguna Beach, California, and a contributor for Blogging4Jobs.  Connect with her on LinkedIn.  

You Mean There's Rules?

How often should you update your social media profiles? Recently, I did a walk through our offices and reminded the employees that they need to go to LinkedIn and update their profiles. Several looked at me blankly, one even said to me, “Am I supposed to have a profile?” I nodded patiently and said in my normal, playfully acerbic tone, “Yes, you need to have a LinkedIn profile.” She looked at the others around the room as if I had chopped her head off.  I guess the “playful” part of my tone didn’t shine through.

It is easy for me to forget that not everyone has had a profile for five or six years. Not everyone thinks regular updates and profile maintenance are necessary. I do and my co-workers know that I do. In a busy, growing company, LinkedIn and other professional networks have served as a great help in my efforts to recruit for or promote my company, yes – I’m gonna say it: branding.  And personally, I gain an  understanding of my connections’ positions and how I can help them, how they can help me.

LinkedIn is the ultimate professional networking tool, even with its constant updates and changes. I also have profiles on many other networks claiming to be the next LinkedIn.  For instance, years ago Plaxo considered LinkedIn direct competition, but it has evolved from trying to compete to becoming, basically, a cloud-based Rolodex and a great birthday reminder tool, which was always its greatest strength.  I love sending eCards to friends, as well as professional connections; it is a great way to let someone know you are thinking of them and another way to maintain inactive or passive relationships. You never know when an inactive relationship will blossom into a full-blown active one.

And of course, there are other online networking profiles floating around out there. My personal social media philosophy has always been: There are an awful lot of details available about you on the internet- take control of your online persona and have what YOU control be the dominating sources, the highest ranked listings in a Google search about you. I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing what is out there about you. For example: go to pipl.com, type your name into the search bar and see what comes up about you. The listings of personal information are all available on line. Next go to Google and type in your name in the search bar, but search in “images.” Other surprises await you. Not only information you put online about yourself, but also details that your connections post online are all cached somewhere and are retrievable.

Be careful and be in control.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I was always a huge proponent of having an open Facebook. I use it for business and professional networking, so I want people to be able to find me and feel free to contact me. But I also like feeling secure and up until a year ago, I have always felt secure online. That was no longer true after a few harassing emails and messages through Facebook and other networks. I constantly update my privacy settings on Facebook and now avidly block followers on Twitter. Also, like many of my friends, I have closed my Facebook chat function. Why? Because I want to continue to use social media in my work and just like any other tool, there are evolving rules regarding its use.

I choose to continually evolve with the rules.

photo credit 
Rayanne Thorn, @ray_anne is the Marketing Director for the online recruiting software company, Broadbean Technology.  She is also a proud mother of four residing in Laguna Beach, California, and a contributor for Blogging4Jobs.  Connect with her on LinkedIn.  

What is Social Media? It’s a fusion of sociology and technology, transforming monologues (one to many) into dialogues (many to many) and is the democratization of information, transforming people from content readers into publishers.

Three years ago, this was part of the definition of Social Media given by Answers.com, as stolen from Wikipedia. I find the last part the most interesting: “readers into publishers.”  And I am sure there are industries besides journalism that are still being shaken up.

Sociology, the study of human social behavior, especially the study of the origins, organization, institutions, and development of human society - connected to Technology, the scientific method and material used to achieve a commercial or industrial objective. Whether they occur at a grocery store or in a bar over a martini, connections matter, and more connections than ever are being made with the help of technology - the internet and social media.

In 1991, a man was pulled from his car and beaten by several police officers in Los Angeles.  One year later, three police officers charged in this incident were acquitted and trouble broke out; riots in the streets of Los Angeles ensued. I remember standing in a gas station the morning the riots began. I stood beside my car while a man on the other side of the pump stood beside his. Our eyes met and I couldn’t look away from him, he couldn’t look away from me. We just stared at each other and a moment of clarity occurred. I was not like that. He was not like that. Not all people were like those police officers, not all people were like the rioters. We were not like that. We never said a word, just nodded to each other and drove away. Thousands of arrests were made and over fifty people died during that week of rioting.

Sociology fails because people fail.

There are parts of the world today where you cannot check your friend’s status on Facebook. You cannot connect to Twitter. I heard a story of how a woman’s home was forcefully entered and the satellite dish in her basement was destroyed – you could not watch the news in Iran unless it was propaganda delivered by the Iranian government, the foreign press had been/has been banned. How many have been /will be arrested? How many have died or will die?  We may never know.

Technology fails because people fail.

It doesn’t matter how many friends technology brings you.
It doesn’t matter how social media serves you.
If man cannot serve man, it just doesn’t matter.

Rayanne Thorn, @ray_anne is the US Marketing Director for the online recruiting software company, Broadbean Technology.  She is also a proud mother of four residing in Laguna Beach, California, and a contributor for Blogging4Jobs.  Connect with her on LinkedIn.  

A New Revolution

A world that finds distress necessary seems to be emerging. I don’t really understand it, but it seems to be true even as we recognize the need to ease distress, solve an issue, change a course, innovation and provoking thoughts or actions occur. Provocation has, on more than one occasion, driven home the need to rethink or transform. It is a continual itch that needs to be scratched, a bottomless hole that needs to be filled, and an oft-asked question begging to be answered.

More than a mild irritation that is easily soothed by calming words or Neosporin, revolution comes along when what is currently in place is no longer working or relevant. Thomas Jefferson said, “Every generation needs a new revolution.”  So, what revolution have we, this current generation of business?

The perpetual swell of technology and the speed with which we communicate have initiated a whole new way to master human resources, to create partnerships and create continuing biz opportunities. When I first entered the corporate world, the fax machine was invaluable and snail mail was the preferred way of sharing important information. Email quickly took over and increased the tempo to our favorite song.

IM, Social Networks, Twitter, Gamification, and Location Tech continue to evolve the face of sourcing, marketing, presenting, negotiating, and selecting. Thank goodness. Think of how different our lives might be without the likes of LinkedIn, Facebook, or Google. Especially in the wake of recent economic changes. Evolution, actual revolution was imminent, continues to be imminent.  It will not slow down – it may even increase. Are you ready?

Relationship-building will become even more imperative as we enter the next evolution.

Anyone can tweet – where is their face?
Anyone can join a social network and add a hundred new contacts in a day – where is the handshake?
Anyone can find the perfect match for the perfect job online – where is the voice and personal engagement?

Don’t be anyone.

Be the someone whose voice is recognized.
Be the someone whose client knows you look good in red or that you like deep dish pizza.
Be the someone who knows the value of engagement.

Be someone.

Every generation needs a new revolution…

Rayanne Thorn, @ray_anne is the Marketing Director for the online recruiting software company, Broadbean Technology.  She is also a proud mother of four residing in Laguna Beach, California, and a contributor for Blogging4Jobs.  Connect with her on LinkedIn.