Just when I thought I had all the answers…

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I’m just a girl who can’t say, “No”

Over the years, I have come to realize that I hate saying “No” for the simple reason that I love saying “Yes.” This hasn’t always been an issue, for the time necessary to fulfill multiple commitments has always been there – that is no longer the case.  Maybe wisdom has come with age, maybe the demands of my current job are just taking precedence and maybe I love my life outside of work, now – I gave found greater balance.  For the last two years, I have worked recently to eliminate the extra-curricular activities that sponge up the rare spare time in my life.  I rarely participate in theater now.  I was involved in several non-profits that consumed too much time and brain power and while it was enjoyable, it was also draining.

Too much, too often

My life is in attempted slow-down, organized, and focused mode. And it is good. It is not only good, it is necessary. In my chosen industry, there is a propensity to want to give back, I stopped trying to understand it, there just is. While it is true that there are many individuals to whom their work is just a job or just a paycheck and a big one at that, there are more that derive great pleasure in helping, even in just a small way. The HR and recruiting industries, where I reside, have just highlighted it more within me.  As soon as I hear of someone, a friend or otherwise, who is looking for work? My recruiter hat is on and I try to dispel advice, whether the receiver wants it or not. I don’t think I will ever say no to that.

Weighing the question to answer the right way

In the process of learning how to say no, I have also been learning how to say yes. We all become battered in this life and after a while, we put on our protective gear, our armor, and head out to do battle every day. That battle may be horrendous traffic, a chaotic office environment, a job search, managing the effects of a divorce, or even a bit of sunshine – finding love. Whatever the battle, we have an opportunity to close a door or open one. Saying no all the time isn’t always the right door. Sometimes, you need to take a risk and open the door.I know, easier said than done, trust me – I know. We spend a significant amount of time altering thought to encompass change.  Not an easy thing for most humans to embrace. For me, anyway, this is true. Example: several years ago, the managing director for the search firm where I worked walked into my office and said, “I don’t want to use Palm to maintain our contacts or calendar anymore. I’d like you to switch everything over to Outlook.” You would have thought that he had said, “We have to pull all of your teeth.” I was not happy. I threw an adult, grown-woman hissy fit.

Aww.., but the next day?

But the next day, I arrived at work early, transferred all of my information to Outlook and moved on. I just needed to whine a bit before I said yes. Needless to say, saying yes is almost as difficult as saying no.


Saying yes to offers of help, saying yes to advice, saying yes to even a second date? Was never easy for me, but thank goodness I did, for it brought an even bigger question and answer.


The baggage we carry affects us. It proves our path, it screams where we have been with a past that no doubt defines our future. And dicey as it may seem, sometimes, you just gotta say yes.


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